Burning Spear - Christopher Columbus - [1980]

Like most historians these days, Burning Spear is not a huge fan of Christopher Columbus to say the least. In fact, he goes so far as to say he is a "damn blasted liar" in this classic song which bears his name [video | lyrics], which I was lucky enough to see him perform at Red Rocks a few years back while on a business trip to Boulder.  Needless to say it made my week.

To me, the interesting part of this song is his mention of the Arawak Peoples or 'Arawak Indians' as he refers to them, and the fact that they were entirely wiped out by the arrival of the Spanish. Both infectious disease and slavery contributed to their demise, but by 1517 they were completely exterminated regardless of the methods used.  So for obvious reasons, Burning Spear takes issue with Columbus' claim of discovering Jamaica.

"He is saying that, 
he's the first one
Who discovered Jamaica
I and I say then,
What about the Arawak Indians ...
The Indians couldn't hang on no longer"

Once the Arawak were gone, the Spanish began importing slaves from the Gold Coast of Africa into Jamaica to farm their fields and basically do any other shitty jobs they didn't feel like doing. 

Some slaves, later dubbed 'Maroons', were able to escape the plantations and make their home in the thick, wooded Blue Mountains of Jamaica, just out of reach from initially the Spanish and later the British army who eventually arrived on the island to take it from the Spanish.

Its pretty astounding that this relatively tiny community of slaves, untrained and without formal education, were able to force Britain, arguably the most powerful nation in the world, to grant them their autonomy in 1739 after essentially conceding there was no way to effectively penetrate the thick woods and treacherous Mountains.

I can go on and on about the Maroons, but I won't.  The point here is, like every other place Columbus "discovered" it came at the expense of a peaceful Indian tribe who tried to be helpful, and was exterminated for their efforts.

So yea, FUCK Columbus day, he's a "dyam blasted lyar" who is more of a criminal than a hero.

Jimmy Buffett - Jamaica Mistaka - [1995]

I know, I know, most people aren't Jimmy Buffett fans. But even if you don't like his music, if you know anything about him at all, you know he leads a very cool life and spends his time in the places we all wish we could (Kozlowski parties aside of course).  Jimmy spends a lot of time island hopping all over the Caribbean in either his boat or sea plane, but he prefers to fly.

Anyway, this tune [video | lyrics] off the Banana Wind (1995) album tells a pretty cool story about one of his flights into the bay of Negril that went slightly awry. 

It was a beautiful day
The kind you want to toast
We were treetop flyin'
Movin' west along the coast
Then we landed in the water
Just about my favorite thrill
When some asshole started firin'
As we taxied to Negril 

Things got considerably worse as they got closer.

They shot from the lighthouse
They shot from the highway
They shot from the top of the cliff
They'd all gone haywire
We're catchin' fire
And there wasn't even a spliff 

I couldn't find out anything about how they got them to actually stop shooting at the plane, but eventually they are able to get into a position to talk to someone. Turns out they had been mistaken for drug smugglers by the authorities who apparently have little tolerance for such things.

Just about to lose my temper
As I endeavoured to explain
We had only come for chicken
We were not a ganja plane
Well you should have seen their faces
When they finally realized
We were not some coked up cowboys
Sportin' guns and alibis

(Chorus)
Come back
Come back
Back to Jamaica
Don't you know we made a big mistaka
We'd be so sad if you told us goodbye
And we promise not to shoot you out of the sky 


Bono and his family were also on board the plane at the time and immediately flew back to the US after the the incident was over.  Jimmy wasn't phased though and stayed in Jamaica, which pleasantly surprised both the government and the locals, and continues to fly his plane in there to this day.

Well the word got out
All over the island
Friends, strangers, they were all apologizin'
Some thought me crazy for being way to nice
But it's just another shitty day in paradise

So even if you aren't a fan of his music, this song if worth a listen just to hear him tell the story. Yea some of his music and lyrics may be cheesy at times, but there is no doubt he is one hell of a storyteller.